I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
