I am puke
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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