Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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