I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
