I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
