..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
