I met the friendliest cop last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
