I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
