Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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