Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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