Porn is love you can see.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
