yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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