Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
