so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
