she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
