do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I came so hard my ears popped.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
