My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
two words: eviction party
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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