peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
