Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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