yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
