mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
