He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
