I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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