how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
