Your face is a jimmy john
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
