My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
