I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
