I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
