Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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