did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
