I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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