Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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