The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
