i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
