awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
