She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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