Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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