i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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