there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
