One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
