I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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