just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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