I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
