tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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