So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
