Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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