I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
