this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
