No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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