dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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